Have you watched this show? I would highly recommend it to any family with a family member with an addiction.
The entire family and even extended families are so deeply affected by this addicted member.
As a mother, I can not describe it better than the advertisement for Scrubs where the doctor takes the heart in his hand and squeezes it and blood squirts out. As gruesome as this sounds, it is the true feeling that a Mom feels every second, hour, day, week, month and year when she has an addicted child. Even though she has a deep and profound belief in God it still hurts on a daily basis. There is a feeling of hope each awakening that today is the day that the miracle happens and then a deep and penetrating sadness upon going to sleep when it didn't happen. I don't think there is a mother alive that wouldn't lay their life down just to cure their child.
Every holiday is affected. You plan for such a happy occasion with a knot in your tummy hoping that the addicted one doesn't spoil it for everyone. It is so sad, because all involved love each other and suffer the same sadness. Only the addicted one doesn't realize the impact of their actions.
Your children (who have not suffered with an addicted child, thank goodness) get frustrated with you and rightly so that you can't just "kick" the child out. Only when you are a parent with this problem can you truly comprehend how extremely hard (and for some impossible) it is to do.
You watch children with such potential, wonderful and tender hearts just become falling down drunks or skeletons from an eating disorder. It seems the more you try to help them, the more they turn their anger at you and lash out at you.
How do we keep from being enablers without deserting our children? I have never figured that one out. There is just so much pain every minute of every day.
What about the children of the addicted parent? Their childhood is only a one time thing. How sad that it could be marred by such pain.
But the great sadness of it all is for the addicted one. What they must go through. How many times they must swear this is going to be the last one. Only through the power of filling the void in their hearts with God is the addiction ever going to go away. All the treatment centers, etc etc will not work if that void is left there and again it must only be filled with the power of God.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
"I Couldn't Have Said It Better"
One day I had a date for lunch with friends. Mae, a little old
"blue hair" lady about 80 years old, came along with them---all in all,
a pleasant bunch.
When the menus were presented, we ordered salads, sandwiches, and soups, except for Mae who said, "Ice Cream, please. Two scoops, chocolate." I wasn't sure my ears heard right, and the others were aghast. "Along with heated apple pie," Mae added, completely unabashed. We tried to act quite nonchalant, as if people did this all the time.
But when our orders were brought out, I didn't enjoy mine.
I couldn't take my eyes off Mae as her pie a-la-mode went down.
The other ladies showed dismay. They ate their lunches silently and
frowned.
The nex t time I went out to eat, I called and invited Mae.
I lunched on white meat tuna. She ordered a parfait.
I smiled. She asked if she amused me.
I answered, "Yes, you do, but also you confuse me.
How come you order rich desserts, while I feel I must be sensible?
She laughed and said, with wanton mirth, "I'm tasting all that is
possible.
I try to eat the food I need, and do the things I should.
But life's so short, my friend, I hate missing out on something good. This year I realized how old I was. (She grinned) I haven't been this old before."
"So, before I die, I've got to try those things that for years I
had ignored.
I haven't smelled all the flowers yet. There are too many books I
haven't read. There's more fudge sundaes to wolf down and kites to
be flown overhead.
There are many malls I haven't shopped. I've not laughed at all the
jokes.
I've missed a lot of Broadway hits and potato chips and cokes.
I want to wade again in water and feel ocean spray on my face.
I want to sit in a country church once more and thank God for His
grace.
I want peanut butter every day spread on my morning toast. I want un-timed long distance calls to the folks I love the most.
I haven't cried at all the movies yet, or walked in the morning rain.
I need to feel wind in my hair.
So, if I choose to have dessert, instead of having dinner,
then should I die before night fall, I'd say I died a winner,
because I missed out on nothing. I filled my heart's desire.
I had that final chocolate mousse before my life expired."
With that, I called the waitress over.. "I've changed my mind, " I
said. "I want what she is having, only add some more whipped cream!"
"blue hair" lady about 80 years old, came along with them---all in all,
a pleasant bunch.
When the menus were presented, we ordered salads, sandwiches, and soups, except for Mae who said, "Ice Cream, please. Two scoops, chocolate." I wasn't sure my ears heard right, and the others were aghast. "Along with heated apple pie," Mae added, completely unabashed. We tried to act quite nonchalant, as if people did this all the time.
But when our orders were brought out, I didn't enjoy mine.
I couldn't take my eyes off Mae as her pie a-la-mode went down.
The other ladies showed dismay. They ate their lunches silently and
frowned.
The nex t time I went out to eat, I called and invited Mae.
I lunched on white meat tuna. She ordered a parfait.
I smiled. She asked if she amused me.
I answered, "Yes, you do, but also you confuse me.
How come you order rich desserts, while I feel I must be sensible?
She laughed and said, with wanton mirth, "I'm tasting all that is
possible.
I try to eat the food I need, and do the things I should.
But life's so short, my friend, I hate missing out on something good. This year I realized how old I was. (She grinned) I haven't been this old before."
"So, before I die, I've got to try those things that for years I
had ignored.
I haven't smelled all the flowers yet. There are too many books I
haven't read. There's more fudge sundaes to wolf down and kites to
be flown overhead.
There are many malls I haven't shopped. I've not laughed at all the
jokes.
I've missed a lot of Broadway hits and potato chips and cokes.
I want to wade again in water and feel ocean spray on my face.
I want to sit in a country church once more and thank God for His
grace.
I want peanut butter every day spread on my morning toast. I want un-timed long distance calls to the folks I love the most.
I haven't cried at all the movies yet, or walked in the morning rain.
I need to feel wind in my hair.
So, if I choose to have dessert, instead of having dinner,
then should I die before night fall, I'd say I died a winner,
because I missed out on nothing. I filled my heart's desire.
I had that final chocolate mousse before my life expired."
With that, I called the waitress over.. "I've changed my mind, " I
said. "I want what she is having, only add some more whipped cream!"
Be mindful that happiness isn't based on possessions, power, or
prestige, but on relationships with people we love and respect.
Remember that while money talks, CHOCOLATE SINGS!
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Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Tony Snow
Tony Snow was our former white house press secretary. He passed away last week with colon cancer. There are several excerpts from an article written by Cal Thomas that I found very inspirational.
Cal relates how Tony, even though he was suffering a terminal illness, was a rebuilder of hearts. Tony encouraged many others and his optimism was infectious.
At a Washington dinner in January, 2007, he talked about the perspective his struggle with cancer had given him. Tony said, "You have to learn something that is very hard in the modern era, and that is that you have to give yourself to God. It's not just saying, "God, it's in your hands" but understanding whatever may come afterward is a matter of not trying to get God to do stuff for you, except maybe to knock down some of the barriers that separate you from God because for all of us our vanities get in the way". He stated, "I had to get closer to God".
Tony said, "I am not afraid to die. "When you die, you graduate". "I don't worry about death, sickness teaches there is joy in everything, take joy in your sickness because a lot of times God is telling you, "You may not know it but you are more blessed than you realized".
Tony must have graduated summa cum laude into the presence of the god he served and loved.
Oh if only we could have that relationship with God before we have to go through a terminal illness to find it. I truly hope to graduate summa cum laude into God's presence.
Cal relates how Tony, even though he was suffering a terminal illness, was a rebuilder of hearts. Tony encouraged many others and his optimism was infectious.
At a Washington dinner in January, 2007, he talked about the perspective his struggle with cancer had given him. Tony said, "You have to learn something that is very hard in the modern era, and that is that you have to give yourself to God. It's not just saying, "God, it's in your hands" but understanding whatever may come afterward is a matter of not trying to get God to do stuff for you, except maybe to knock down some of the barriers that separate you from God because for all of us our vanities get in the way". He stated, "I had to get closer to God".
Tony said, "I am not afraid to die. "When you die, you graduate". "I don't worry about death, sickness teaches there is joy in everything, take joy in your sickness because a lot of times God is telling you, "You may not know it but you are more blessed than you realized".
Tony must have graduated summa cum laude into the presence of the god he served and loved.
Oh if only we could have that relationship with God before we have to go through a terminal illness to find it. I truly hope to graduate summa cum laude into God's presence.
Monday, July 07, 2008
"Word Test"
Okay for you bloggers that have a fascination with words, I have a test for you. Now this is going to be on the honor system. You have to know the definitions without looking them up.
edamame
pescatarian
soju
infinity pool
mondegreen
Have fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
edamame
pescatarian
soju
infinity pool
mondegreen
Have fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, July 06, 2008
July 4th
The clan had a wonderful and peaceful 4th (that is until it became dark). I have to admit that we had a great selection of fireworks. I prefer those that go high into the air then explode and shoot all colors and shapes of beautiful lights. We had lots of those.
We had a day of swimming, lots of eating, lots of eating, did I say lots of eating? Steak, corn on the cob, hashbrown casserole, etc etc The day before, I made home made ice cream. Boy was that an experience!! What should have taken 30 minutes to one hour took me almost three hours. As most of you know, there are certain limitations in the use of my hands that I choose to ignore. Well, there always comes a time when this just doesn't work. I spend at least one hour trying to lift the bucket (with the little knob on the bottom) into the freezer bucket with the indention that little knob is supposed to fit in. Then to make matters worse each time when I couldn't make the connection and had to lift the bucket out, the lid would come loose and that is another tricky area to turn it just right to get it to lock. Not to worry, Hitler didn't get rid of all the Germans there are still some of that stubborn species left. To make a long story short, the ice cream was delicious!!!
Cubette D, Alien and I had a busy day yesterday. I tell you this Cubette can sure work. He helped us so much. We got some patio blocks at Home Depot and came home and he and the Alien made me a small patio at the front door of my playhouse. I am having lots of fun with the playhouse. It is good therapy. Besides there are no TVs or telephones out there!!
We have a very busy week coming up. Cub G is helping out and taking the cubettes home on Tuesday morning. Tuesday night, the Alien and his daughter have tickets to go to the city to the Jonas brothers concert. He says he is taking ear plugs. Wednesday, I take her back to Sylvan for another tutoring session then Friday we get her clothes ready for her to leave on Saturday for her mission trip. I have already warned that I might stay in bed the entire week she is gone!
You know we give if "something can go wrong it does" a whole new meaning. Last Wednesday, the Alien took our cub for tutoring and then he took she and the cubettes on to the amusement park in the city. He has a broken "middle" finger so as they were driving in the city, he took a drink of his soda and of course the finger stuck out since it has a metal brace on it. Anyway, the driver next to them thought he was flipping him off and one of the cubettes just knew they were about to experience a road rage incident. Fortunately nothing happened. The Cubette asked what he would have done if the person came after him and the Alien said, "I am old and have good insurance so I would just have rammed him off the road". Oh well.
I have probably bored you beyond comprehension so will just use my fingers to hold my coffee cup.
We had a day of swimming, lots of eating, lots of eating, did I say lots of eating? Steak, corn on the cob, hashbrown casserole, etc etc The day before, I made home made ice cream. Boy was that an experience!! What should have taken 30 minutes to one hour took me almost three hours. As most of you know, there are certain limitations in the use of my hands that I choose to ignore. Well, there always comes a time when this just doesn't work. I spend at least one hour trying to lift the bucket (with the little knob on the bottom) into the freezer bucket with the indention that little knob is supposed to fit in. Then to make matters worse each time when I couldn't make the connection and had to lift the bucket out, the lid would come loose and that is another tricky area to turn it just right to get it to lock. Not to worry, Hitler didn't get rid of all the Germans there are still some of that stubborn species left. To make a long story short, the ice cream was delicious!!!
Cubette D, Alien and I had a busy day yesterday. I tell you this Cubette can sure work. He helped us so much. We got some patio blocks at Home Depot and came home and he and the Alien made me a small patio at the front door of my playhouse. I am having lots of fun with the playhouse. It is good therapy. Besides there are no TVs or telephones out there!!
We have a very busy week coming up. Cub G is helping out and taking the cubettes home on Tuesday morning. Tuesday night, the Alien and his daughter have tickets to go to the city to the Jonas brothers concert. He says he is taking ear plugs. Wednesday, I take her back to Sylvan for another tutoring session then Friday we get her clothes ready for her to leave on Saturday for her mission trip. I have already warned that I might stay in bed the entire week she is gone!
You know we give if "something can go wrong it does" a whole new meaning. Last Wednesday, the Alien took our cub for tutoring and then he took she and the cubettes on to the amusement park in the city. He has a broken "middle" finger so as they were driving in the city, he took a drink of his soda and of course the finger stuck out since it has a metal brace on it. Anyway, the driver next to them thought he was flipping him off and one of the cubettes just knew they were about to experience a road rage incident. Fortunately nothing happened. The Cubette asked what he would have done if the person came after him and the Alien said, "I am old and have good insurance so I would just have rammed him off the road". Oh well.
I have probably bored you beyond comprehension so will just use my fingers to hold my coffee cup.
Saturday, July 05, 2008
"Validate"
I recently read a blog regarding "falling out". That is so strange how people's minds work. For several days, the word validate has been buzzing around in my head. I have spent lots of time trying to figure out why it is imperative to some people to have certain actions performed to them or by them "validated".
I will admit to being guilty of this very thing. Have you ever noticed when someone feels like they have been "wronged" they crave the validation of someone or just anyone to validate their feelings. Why is this necessary? Does it make it any less painful or make it go away?
I tried to find the origin of this word and all I have found is that it was evidently first used in 1648.
Validation appears to have lots of uses in the computer field. The only validation I know of in this field is that I am almost totally illiterate.
In psychology and human communication, it applies more to opinions and feelings. This is strange since just acknowledging the other's opinions whether the listener actually agrees with the content seems important. The injured party seems to feel they are being treated with genuine respect rather than being dismissed.
All of this has made me think about appropriate responses. Maybe the best response is to use my ears to listen and my mouth to eat.
I will admit to being guilty of this very thing. Have you ever noticed when someone feels like they have been "wronged" they crave the validation of someone or just anyone to validate their feelings. Why is this necessary? Does it make it any less painful or make it go away?
I tried to find the origin of this word and all I have found is that it was evidently first used in 1648.
Validation appears to have lots of uses in the computer field. The only validation I know of in this field is that I am almost totally illiterate.
In psychology and human communication, it applies more to opinions and feelings. This is strange since just acknowledging the other's opinions whether the listener actually agrees with the content seems important. The injured party seems to feel they are being treated with genuine respect rather than being dismissed.
All of this has made me think about appropriate responses. Maybe the best response is to use my ears to listen and my mouth to eat.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
"Grounded"
Well the Alien grounded me today. He took the day off and took our cub to her tutoring and then he is taking her and the boys on to Frontier City for the rest of the day. I could have snuck by but he saw my blood pressure, maybe it was a little high, (well a "lot" high to tell the truth) so I am grounded at home for the day.
Oh well, I am looking forward to playing in my playhouse. If I have not shared this information with all, I will do so now. We bought a 29 foot Prowler 1987 travel trailer. It is in very good shape and so cute inside that I decided to make it my playhouse. No televisions allowed!! The Alien is going to set it up for real out under the big tree (by our bedroom) and put electricity, water and sewer to it. It will be shared when we have a "bed overflow" here but under the conditions that all understand that it is a playhouse not a workhouse, lol. I have girly things already finding their spots and am having lots of fun with it. I can just hear the cubs now, boy is Mom going through her second child hood already. The answer is no. I am going through the first one as I haven't had it yet. Remember better late than never.
Wish all of you could be here the 4th. We are having fireworks, swimming, homemade ice cream and grilled steaks. Then I am going on strike the rest of the summer!
My shingles are about gone thanks to my very aggressive doctor. She is leaving private practice so I am in mourning over that. She has assured me that "I" am not the cause of her retiring, lol.
Well, off to the playhouse, talk to you later.
Oh well, I am looking forward to playing in my playhouse. If I have not shared this information with all, I will do so now. We bought a 29 foot Prowler 1987 travel trailer. It is in very good shape and so cute inside that I decided to make it my playhouse. No televisions allowed!! The Alien is going to set it up for real out under the big tree (by our bedroom) and put electricity, water and sewer to it. It will be shared when we have a "bed overflow" here but under the conditions that all understand that it is a playhouse not a workhouse, lol. I have girly things already finding their spots and am having lots of fun with it. I can just hear the cubs now, boy is Mom going through her second child hood already. The answer is no. I am going through the first one as I haven't had it yet. Remember better late than never.
Wish all of you could be here the 4th. We are having fireworks, swimming, homemade ice cream and grilled steaks. Then I am going on strike the rest of the summer!
My shingles are about gone thanks to my very aggressive doctor. She is leaving private practice so I am in mourning over that. She has assured me that "I" am not the cause of her retiring, lol.
Well, off to the playhouse, talk to you later.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
"Dear Mom"
We don't ever know for sure what "mediums" there are at work in this world today. So for that reason, I am writing this letter to you Mom. It has been a long time since we had a chance to sit down for a good visit. I sure miss those times don't you? I think each day how much you would enjoy our little (getting all grown up now) girl. She would have loved spending Friday nights with you. You would be proud of her. She is doing well in school and is going with the youth group on a mission trip in a few days. She has a tender heart and still misses you.
I finally got the date put on Aunt Ileene's headstone. It only took me five years but I knew you wouldn't want me to give up. I put flowers on Aunt Ileene's and Aunt C's and Kathryn did yours and dads. She used very pretty rose colored roses. You know your three daughters are so different in lots of ways. We each take turns picking the flowers and they are totally different each year and I am sure there are times that each of us "DON'T" particularly care for the taste of the other ones but we just hug and grin and say "when its our turn", ha.
Can you believe I am going to be a great grandmother again? A little boy, imagine that.
Mom, thank you and Dad for the values and standards you instilled in each of us. While I may not have agreed with all of your methods, I respected your love and sincerity in doing what you felt was the best for us. You and Dad are in my heart and thoughts daily.
There are so many things I wish I could say to you now like when I used to push you to schedule several things in one day. Believe it or not, now I totally understand how just having more than one thing can sometimes be overwhelming. Then there were the times "urging" you to get out and travel and do things. I am now understanding how wonderful it is to be at home to just be surrounded with familiar things with no pressure. Needless to say, I am finally understanding how much more sense it makes to sleep in my own bed rather than pay $100 for a fancy room where I get almost no sleep. Isn't like weird?
Edna is on a walker now. She looks very pretty every Sunday and does not look any older but she still gets teary eyed when she talks about "her bestest friend ever". I gave her a Mother's Day card again this year. It seems to please her a lot.
I finally got the date put on Aunt Ileene's headstone. It only took me five years but I knew you wouldn't want me to give up. I put flowers on Aunt Ileene's and Aunt C's and Kathryn did yours and dads. She used very pretty rose colored roses. You know your three daughters are so different in lots of ways. We each take turns picking the flowers and they are totally different each year and I am sure there are times that each of us "DON'T" particularly care for the taste of the other ones but we just hug and grin and say "when its our turn", ha.
Can you believe I am going to be a great grandmother again? A little boy, imagine that.
Mom, thank you and Dad for the values and standards you instilled in each of us. While I may not have agreed with all of your methods, I respected your love and sincerity in doing what you felt was the best for us. You and Dad are in my heart and thoughts daily.
There are so many things I wish I could say to you now like when I used to push you to schedule several things in one day. Believe it or not, now I totally understand how just having more than one thing can sometimes be overwhelming. Then there were the times "urging" you to get out and travel and do things. I am now understanding how wonderful it is to be at home to just be surrounded with familiar things with no pressure. Needless to say, I am finally understanding how much more sense it makes to sleep in my own bed rather than pay $100 for a fancy room where I get almost no sleep. Isn't like weird?
Edna is on a walker now. She looks very pretty every Sunday and does not look any older but she still gets teary eyed when she talks about "her bestest friend ever". I gave her a Mother's Day card again this year. It seems to please her a lot.
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