Grief - "A Reality of Life"

As most of you are aware, Memorial Day is just around the corner. I made a trip to the cemetery today to check on Mom and Dad's grave. While I know their souls are not there, it is still a bit of comfort to visit the graveside and a token of respect to see that it is decorated with flowers for Memorial Day. This is not done for me but for them since this was an important event for them and they saw to it that this was done for their parents' graves. This is what has prompted me to think about grief and the different ways it has affected my life. Whether it is a loss from a death, divorce, etc the way we deal with grief is extremely important to our well being.

I truly feel if I had learned early in life how to properly go through the grieving experience my emotional growth would have been deeply enhanced.

A wise grief counselor named Doug Manning is responsible for any benefit that you might gain from these (his) words of wisdom that have helped me immensely.

With Memorial Day on the horizon, it is a time for remembrance of loved ones that have departed from our lives, however, I hope it will also serve as a reminder for us to cherish the loved ones that are still with us. It seems to me that I never realized how much I loved my parents and grandparents until they were no longer here with me. I think I took them for granted and maybe that happens to most of us.

Mr. Manning states that the onion analogy fits the gradual grieving experience. It is done in layers. The Layer that I am sharing today is "Layer-Two Reality". It fits this time of year for me. Most of the questions, why, etc have come and gone. Reality comes and sits on my chest. I wake up at night with the awful reality that I will never see Mom and Dad again {on this earth).
Then the pain comes and it is hard to breath. This for me is the toughest part of grief and Doug is right, there is no short cut. I can't go around it - I must go through it. I know that there is growth in the pain. When I hurt the most is when I am growing the most. I know that when I am hurting, I am working through feelings. Occasionally the pain will subside for a time to give me a much needed break. Without the break, I could not have handled the pain. I realize that the tough times are ultimately motivating me to reconstruct my life without my parents.

Why is it with all the high tech information available, there is still a lack of people preparing their children in the much needed art of dealing with grief? Maybe it is because we don't want to face it ourselves. I plead guilty to this omission with my children, my only excuse is I didn't know better.

So as we go through yet another day of remembrance, give your loved ones an extra hug, set aside a time to reminisce about the ones departed and stop to smell the roses.